If Hayes Grier really wants to improve and transform himself, the first step is to become aware of the weaknesses which may be holding him back and preventing his evolution:
– his shallowness
– his lack of sincerity
– his indifference
– his frivolity
– his fear of commitment

Hayes Grier may experience discord in relationships. Although Hayes is friendly and outgoing and commits himself to friendships and partnerships, Hayes often finds it difficult to balance his own needs, desires, and goals with the objective reality of others and their individual desires and needs.

To understand and overcome this problem, Hayes should accept the idea that every relationship follows more or less the same general scheme: a base of intimacy and an accomplishment or purpose apart from the relationship itself. If Hayes succeeds in defining, through discussion and communication, what sort of intimate relationship he and his partners want to maintain and what accomplishment or purpose they hope to achieve, many conflicts will be avoided.

Hayes Grier’s emotions are fluctuating and unstable. Although Hayes Grier has the ability to detach Hayes Grier from Hayes Grier’s emotions to analyze and observe them, this tendency sometimes prevents Hayes Grier from truly engaging Hayes Grier in emotional terms and may act as a defense against any emotional impact. This is the reason why Hayes Grier subjects all Hayes Grier’s feelings to an intellectual interpretation rather than yielding to them. It is also the reason why Hayes Grier might falter, hesitate, contradict Hayes Grier and seem to say both yes and no when Hayes Grier has an opportunity to commit Hayes Grier emotionally.

Hayes Grier should make a conscious effort to overcome this unconscious conditioning which may be related to Hayes Grier’s childhood. Hayes Grier must first learn to observe and assimilate other people’s feelings instead of rejecting them. This exercise will teach Hayes Grier to understand Hayes Grier’s own reactions and affects better.

To trust Hayes Grier better and gain self-assurance, the first thing Hayes Grier must do is learn to say no. Once Hayes Grier is capable of saying no to others, Hayes Grier can say yes to life. Hayes Grier must develop Hayes Grier’s awareness of all the things Hayes Grier loves and feel positive about, as well as all the changes Hayes Grier hope to make in order to enjoy life more. This is the foundation that will support Hayes Grier, the inexhaustible source and center of the transformation of Hayes Grier’s personality. Infantile anxieties which arose in childhood when Hayes Grier was helpless may be obstacles to Hayes Grier’s evolution. Sometimes they actually prevent Hayes Grier from daring to confront challenges Hayes Grier would be altogether capable of assuming now! One of the reasons Hayes Grier yields to these childhood fears so readily is that they procure a feeling so familiar to Hayes Grier that, although it is negative, it is a reassuring part of Hayes Grier’s identity. However, the more often Hayes Grier reinforces this complex by yielding to that feeling, the more unaware Hayes Grier becomes of Hayes Grier’s true emotional state. The irrational childhood fears have also reinforced Hayes Grier’s pessimistic tendencies. It is difficult for Hayes Grier to believe in the sunny side of life because of the pernicious little voice inside Hayes Grier that claims Hayes Grier doesn’t really deserve all this goodness. This side of Hayes Grier could undermine Hayes Grier’s vitality and force Hayes Grier to compensate or flee from reality. In doing so, Hayes Grier limits Hayes Grier’s power to bring about a positive change in Hayes Grier or Hayes Grier’s life. It’s a vicious cycle, and to free Hayes Grier, the first step is to free Hayes Grier from the fears which prevent Hayes Grier from taking full advantage of life. Hayes Grier can succeed if Hayes Grier arranges a relaxed, positive environment for Hayes Grier, establishes sincere relations with one or two special people, and, if possible, finds a setting – perhaps a yoga class – in which Hayes Grier can practice relaxation exercises.